Belonging Is a Personality Trait—Or Is It?
I spend a lot of time thinking about the people who quietly hold organizations together. They are the ones who notice when someone is struggling, who remember birthdays, who make space for others to feel included. They do this work not because it’s in their job description, but because it feels natural to them. Over time, though, that “natural” care can turn into an unspoken expectation.
In many workplaces, these people carry the weight of the organization’s culture because of their personality—or what we assume is their personality. They’re seen as the empathetic ones, the people who really care, the den parents of the group. Because this work seems to flow for them, they become the default culture builders, often without recognition or choice.
At first, this role can feel energizing. When caring comes naturally, it can feel meaningful and even fulfilling. But when the same people are always responsible for bringing others together, planning celebrations, and holding space, exhaustion sets in. What was once a strength slowly becomes a burden.
Here’s the lesson I keep coming back to: personality isn’t fixed. It’s not just the traits we come with—it evolves over time. Personality grows when we decide to change, when life experiences shift how we see the world, and when we choose to show up differently. What feels uncomfortable or unnatural at first can become more natural with intention and practice.
The problem is that we often limit culture-building to the people it comes easiest to. We wait for the nicest or the most caring instead of asking how more of us can participate. When we do that, culture stays small, and the responsibility stays concentrated on a few people who are already carrying a lot.
What if creating belonging wasn’t about having the right personality, but about growing into it? What if more of us took an active step—an active place—in shaping the culture we want to see, instead of waiting for someone else to do it?
A culture where everybody feels like somebody can’t be built on personality alone. It has to be built on commitment and purpose. When more people choose to participate, belonging becomes shared, sustainable, and real. And that purpose remains clear: everybody is somebody.