I Scored in the Wrong Goal
Almost 41 years ago, I stepped onto a soccer field for the very first time.
I was so excited. Some of my teammates were my friends from elementary school, and I couldn't wait to play alongside them. During warmups, I ran up and down that field like I'd been waiting my whole life for this moment. I could feel it.
Then the game started, and I got in.
Before I knew it, I had a breakaway. I was dribbling the ball, moving by myself, heading straight for the goal. I shot, and I scored.
In the wrong goal.
I had just scored for the other team.
The game everyone else was playing
I knew right away that something was off. It wasn't just the mistake. It was the realization that everyone else on that field was playing a game with rules and information I didn't have. They knew something I didn't. I was just out there trying.
I heard the snickers. I saw the discouragement on people's faces. I felt completely out of place. I felt like a nobody.
And honestly, that could have been the end of my soccer career, maybe even more than that. Moments like that teach kids who belongs and who doesn't. They teach adults the same thing.
The coach who made me feel like somebody
But my coach, Mr. Dave Mayer, didn't let it end there.
He came over and encouraged me. He laughed with me, not at me. He didn't pretend the mistake hadn't happened, and he didn't make me feel small because of it. In the exact moment I felt like a nobody, Mr. Mayer made me feel like somebody.
I've never forgotten it.
We're all still looking for that field
From that day to this one, I've been moving from place to place, trying to find where I fit. Where do my gifts matter? Where is my perspective welcome? Where am I somebody?
I don't think I'm alone in that. You've probably felt it too, walking into a new job, a new team, a new church, or a new community. And let's be honest, it's getting harder and harder to walk into a room and feel like you're somebody there.
That's why moments like the one Mr. Mayer gave me matter so much. Someone is scoring in the wrong goal on your team right now. It might be the new hire who went to the wrong person first, or the volunteer who missed the unwritten rule everybody else seems to know. They weren't failing to try. Nobody gave them the rulebook.
How you respond in that moment tells them whether they belong.
Why I wrote a book about it
That soccer field is where my Somebodiness journey started, and it's a big part of why I wrote Somebodiness Standards.
The book includes 44 commitments for building environments where everybody is somebody, at work, at home, on the field, at church, and in the communities we care about. They aren't rules we apply to other people or clever ways to move people where we want them. They're commitments we make on the inside, standards we set for ourselves so that wherever we go, the people around us know they matter.
Because here's what I've learned since that first game: when people are seen, when they're given opportunity, and when they're treated with dignity, they do more. They do better. And together, they can change the environments they're in.
I'm grateful for Mr. Mayer, and for every person who has walked this Somebodiness journey with me. My hope is that this book helps you become someone's Mr. Mayer too.
Somebodiness Standards releases November 1, 2026.